one two three fourrrrnication!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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