Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
