apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
