you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You ruined the universe
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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