Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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