do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
