Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
