I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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