I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
