Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
