who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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