I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
