I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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