The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize