my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she pinky promised me she was 18
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
