Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pants are for mortals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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