So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
