Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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