They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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