I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
