toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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