There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I believe in your delicious
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
