Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
