Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
