guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
