My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
