All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
