Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm really busy with my period
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