Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
