I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
