i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
