Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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