even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
