if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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