I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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