you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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