Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
