also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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