I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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