I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
