Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would fuck him just for his dog