Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.