How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time