you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
do herpes really smell.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
