What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
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I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.