He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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