i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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