can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
