I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
