At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
