farters have to be the big spoon...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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