Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
