Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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