so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
