I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
