She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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