my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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