he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
