tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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