i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
