I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there's paper in my vomit.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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