He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
