theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
