i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
