im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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