Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
