Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize