The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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