There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize