Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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