boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
