I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
