I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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