I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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