those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
