epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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