(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
