every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
