seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
