So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
