he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
