I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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