bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
